As today is a nationally recognized day of matronly appreciation, I thought it appropriate to recognize some of the prevalent mama's in video gaming in this edition of the JHS. No, not the real-life mothers of game industry icons, though we certainly appreciate the progenial contributions that Mrs. Molyneux and Miyamoto-san have made to the planet -- we're talking about the digital mommies of our favorite video game characters.
So here's to you, Jenova. You may not have carried Sephiroth in your extraterrestrial womb (birthing that Masamune-wielding badass would have been truly uncomfortable), but here at Joystiq HQ, we count test-tube babies as actual human beings. Also, kudos to the minigun-toting Barret Wallace. Despite being of the male persuasion, Barret did have a daughter, and was, in fact, a baaaaaad mother (shut yo' mouth)! I'm only talking about Barret! (We can dig it.)
Then, of course, is the quintessential "Mom" from the Pokémon series. Provider of running shoes, setter of date and time, and in certain installments, banker -- Pokémom is certainly the most useful parent ever featured in any gaming franchise. However, there's something to be said of the biomechanical oversight provided by Metroid's Mother Brain. Many mothers have trouble managing one household -- this encapsulated vixen keeps tabs on an entire planet.
As you find yourself awash in the emerald glow of the following upward-pointers, why not take a moment to share your appreciation for your favorite digital maternal unit -- and then, of course, your own female progenitor. You know she worries.
We know that a vast majority of the gaming media consumers out there have a fairly negative outlook when it comes to pre-orders for popular titles (did anyone really have a hard time finding Halo 3 last September?), but that's not why we're writing about the recent pre-order listings on Amazon and Gamestop for the next (Barlog-less) installment in the well-received God of War franchise. What we find intriguing is the March 2 release date listed on both websites -- three quarters earlier than the last rumored launch window for the title. Is this wishful thinking from these two gaming retailers, or could the further adventures of everyone's favorite ashy Spartan hit shelves much sooner than expected?
For a game that hasn't even been formally announced, there sure seems to be a lot of information circulating about the Wiicreation of the celestial NES action-platformer, Kid Icarus. For instance, Kombo.com (not to be confused with Zombo.com) recently posted a veritable cornucopia of concept art for the rumored title, as well as some heretofore unannounced deets. Apparently, Pit has been "cursed for thousands of years for a crime" and has become a fallen angel -- those mature themes seem to resonate through the conceptual drawings, available on Kombo's site.
First and foremost, apologies for the headline. If you can find it in your heart to forgive us, we're sure that the video above will tickle your fancy for gaming peripheral-themed furniture. We're not sure how much we'd pay for a custom-built, gigantic, functioning Nintendo Entertainment System controller (or a boxed copy of Super Mario Bros. 3, for that matter) that doubles for a coffee table with a removable glass overlay, but we could be convinced to skip a few months' rent should this epic furnitroller show up at our local Targét. Our landlord would certainly forgive us when we invite him over for an exhilarating round of comically oversized Bible Adventures.
There aren't many gamers who don't harbor fond memories associated with the Nintendo 64's classic adventure (and to many, the greatest installment in the Hylian franchise), Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. In addition to its beloved story and incredible visuals, it was a groundbreaking third-person adventure through an intricately detailed fantasy world -- but would we (and Game Rankings) still hold the triforce-hunting adventure in such high regard if we had experienced Hyrule directly through the point-eared protagonist's eyes?
In a recent discussion between Nintendo president Satoru Iwata and revolutionary game developer (and Time's most influential person of 2008) Shigeru Miyamoto, it was outed that Shiggy secretly possesses a penchant for first-person shooters (notably, Rare's seminal N64 shooter Goldeneye), and that he'd considered creating Ocarina of Time using an Oblivion-esque first-person perspective. We're not quite sure how this would have affected the title -- but we're certainly terrified of the prospect of witnessing Darunia's sexy dance of seduction first-hand.
Dan Houser, Vice President of creativity for Rockstar Games, has apparently never enjoyed the visceral thrill of creating a Mii in his own likeness and entering the boxing ring with a similarly Mii-ified version of Adolf Hitler -- or else we assume he wouldn't have dropped the following foul-mouthed quote in an interview with New York Magazine: "Yeah, fuck all this stuff about casual gaming." Poignant, no?
He goes on to explain that while the warm reception of Nintendo's latest console is "fantastic", gamers still want games with production values and narratives that rival those of big-budget movies, much like the titles produced by Rockstar. The rest of the interview is actually a very intriguing look at how the Grand Theft Auto IV team meticulously built a city using the Big Apple as their inspiration, but something tells us that the rest of the story might get overshadowed by that one particular sound bite.
Between the comprehensive in-game map, the GPS-imbued minimap, and the TomTom-esque functionality of certain vehicles, we've yet to misplace ourselves within Liberty City's digital boroughs. Still, if you find yourself lost whilst playing Grand Theft Auto IV, we guess this Liberty City map application (mapplication?) using the Google Maps interface would come in handy.
A number of user contributions have already been made to the map, showing the location of hidden items, easter eggs, pigeon locations, stunt jumps, and yes, even hookers, whom we assume were fitted with GPS locaters by trained prostitute handlers before being released back into the wild. It makes for a useful cartographical companion for those with a laptop near their console of choice -- if you don't mind ruining the fun of exploring the nooks and crannies of Rockstar's intricately crafted metropolis for yourself, that is.
It seems that Activision has stumbled across the correct formula for getting us to drop our drumsticks and don our trusty, dusty Les Paul peripherals -- a three-song DLC pack for Guitar Hero III featuring the music of the epic British prog-rock trio, Muse. As of May 8, "Supermassive Black Hole" and "Exo-Politics" from their 2006 album Black Holes and Revelations as well as the fan-favorite "Stockholm Syndrome" from 2003's Absolution will be available to download for a heretofore unannounced price (we're assuming it will match the $6.25 price of former GHIII packs). We've got videos for all three tunes after the jump -- go decide which ones are purchase-worthy! (Hint: All of them.)
Comedy starved night owls are probably already aware of the attention that Rockstar's latest crime drama has received on the late night entertainment scene. We chuckled at the Daily Show's coverage of the game's midnight release, but thoroughly LOLed at Conan O'Brien's previews (embedded after the jump) of the toned-down version of Grand Theft Auto IV(if only Stephen Bishop's classic "It Might Be You" really were available on Liberty City's airwaves).
However, we didn't truly board the ROFLcopter until we saw the above skit from The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson (the former unitesticled boss on "The Drew Carey Show"). Perhaps it was the visit from "Saturday Night Live" veteran Tim Meadows that made it our fave, or perhaps it was their subtle send-up of the criticism the game has endured due to it's adult content. On that note, if there's anything funnier than the actual media coverage of Rockstar's mature blockbuster, we've yet to see it.
Those who spent New Year's Eve, 1999 holed up in a bunker beneath their house, eating astronaut food while your superterranean contemporaries amused themselves with the ramblings of Dick Clark and the chonologically appropriate jams of Will Smith probably felt pretty silly when, you know, the world didn't end. Perhaps a technical snafu on Rockstar's website will slightly justify these worryworts' absence from the centennial shenanigans.
The snafu in question was an apparent countdown for Grand Theft Auto 2, leading many to believe the PS1 classic would soon be heading to XBLA and PSN Stores near you. Unfortunately, a quick check of the page's source code reveals that the timer was created in 1999, and that certain parameters have caused the countdown to malfunction in the 21st century. Rockstar confirmed that they have no plans to port the title, but reluctantly admitted that the countdown timer has become self-aware, and that today is, in fact, Judgment Day.
Those who were wishing to actually witness a few rounds of fisticuffs between crummy filmmaker Uwe Boll and occasionally crummy filmmaker Michael Bay (following Boll's challenge last weekend) have certainly ridden a rollercoaster of excitement and disappointment these past few days. We admit, we got pretty pumped after viewing the above video, a supposed confirmation that Bay had accepted Boll's terms, and that the two would meet in the ring -- unfortunately, this directorial showdown isn't in the cards (much to Boll's chagrin, we're sure).
An administrator on Michael Bay's official forums recently talked to the blockbuster poster boy (currently doing post-production work for "The Horsemen") who denied accepting Boll's challenge, and claimed he'd never spoken directly with Boll in the first place. We can't help but wonder -- is this another publicity stunt for the antagonized franchise-wrecker in light of the May 23 U.S. release for "Postal", or has Uwe finally lost his damn mind? Little from Column A, little from Column B.
Stepping off the boat into the menacingly awaiting Liberty City, I can only imagine the emotions running through Niko Bellic's closely-shaved mind. As the stoic Eastern European protagonist first set eyes upon this labirynthian city and this brave new nation, he must have experienced no small amount of intimidation at the vast amount of opportunities that had, in a mere instant, been made available to him.
As I first popped Grand Theft Auto IV into the disc tray that it would surely be entombed in for the next few months, and charged with giving my impressions on the game's enigmatic online capabilities, I felt the same sort of intimidation -- and so, I imagine, will you. Not just because of GTA IV's multitude of online options and game types, but also due to the fact that, aside from those who played San Andreas online on PC, most of us have never taken this seminal series onto the equally cavernous internets.
The brave souls who soldiered through the vast queue at the Gamestop in downtown Huntington, W. Va. were put through a rigorous gauntlet of trials and tribulations before being rewarded with Rockstar's blockbuster shoot em' up -- including, but not limited to a freak, unseasonal cold front; a somewhat humorous (but unfortunately brief and unphotographed) drive-by water balloon strike; and alarming in-line discussions of bomb recipes and Sedan-mounted automatic weaponry.
However, the most disturbing sight seen at the launch is pictured above -- a tragic crime scene, just a few feet away from the store's registers. These two poor fellows were just mere moments from claiming their respective copies of the much anticipated title, leaving behind a puzzling forensic tableau. Hastily driving from the event with copies of Grand Theft Auto IV in hand, we were left with these pertinent questions:
What kind of altercation could have lead to this unfortunate double homicide?
What modifications were made to the pictured Nerf guns that imbued them with lethal force?
What sort of Crime Scene Investigation squad leaves behind the murder weapons in such a public place?
Most importantly, why did Gamestop remain open following this horrible act of violence?
As the devious rapscallions who skip to the figures every week already know, the nation of Japan (and indirectly, the entire planet) is facing a dire emergency. No, not overpopulation, or global warming, or the biodiversity crisis -- I speak, of course, of the pending disappearance of all video game consoles from the face of the Earth, clearly evidenced by this week's underwhelming sales charts.
These lackluster sales figures couldn't possibly represent a decline in the ludological avarice of the Japanese people -- so what could be the cause for all the downpointery? Mankind's interference in the natural habitat of these illustrious creatures? Some sort of self-destructive behavior? Scientists and industry analysts are working around the clock to solve this dilemma before the gaming ecosystem collapses upon itself, leaving humanity with just one method of self-entertainment: Ball in a Cup. However, cheap Ball in a Cup knock-offs will surely follow, leading to the inevitable crash of the Ball in a Cup market, at which point we'll really be screwed.
To help prevent this near-certain extinction, the Joystiq crew has begun organizing "Console Aid 2008", a summer concert series that will sweep through the Pacific Northwest like a philanthropic plague. With headliners such as Tay Zonday, Rick Astley, O' Reelyn' teh Buckets, and (obligatorily) U2, we're sure to garner millions in ticket sales -- a breathtakingly charitable 4 percent of which will go toward the Video Game Preservation Fund. What? Blogger's gotta eat.
Australia has a long, tumultuous history when it comes to video game censorship -- largely due to the fact that their system of video game classification currently lacks a rating above MA15+, meaning any game deemed too intense for 15-year-olds is often censored (or even banned, in some extreme cases). However, just a stone's skip across the Tasman Sea, New Zealand provides a more favorable environment for mature titles, whipping out the Banhammer and the Censorstick much less often than its Southwestern Pacific counterpart.
8,459 (9.15%)
300 (0.35%)
